


Got you in my head

by lightsandsparks



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: M/M, pining connor, warm and cozy fall themed fic for you all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-02
Updated: 2018-10-02
Packaged: 2019-07-24 02:04:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16171376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lightsandsparks/pseuds/lightsandsparks
Summary: Evan and Connor are best friends, but Connor finds himself wanting more than that. Luckily, getting lost in a cornfield may be the catalyst to what he's looking for, as long as they both survive their respective panic attacks.





	Got you in my head

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Tayler for the beta!!

Connor Murphy and Evan Hansen are best friends. 

That's it; just best friends, nothing else. And Connor is perfectly okay with that. 

Well, at least he is _now_. Sure, Connor might have had a tiny crush on Evan for a little while at the beginning of their friendship, but it was short lived when he realized Evan didn't feel the same way. 

Unfortunately, it didn't pass without half of their friend group finding out. 

Zoe was the first. Connor drunkenly admitted it to her in a text message one night, and before he knew it, Zoe had passed on the gossip to her girlfriend Alana. That resulted in a blowout fight at the Murphy household and the two of them didn't speak to each other for over a week. 

When they finally did make up, Connor had to sit the two of them down and make them promise not to let Jared Kleinman find out, because if he did? That was it. Jared would tell Evan before any of them could blink, and then Evan would be totally freaked out and never speak to him again. That couldn't happen. 

So, Connor forced himself to get over his crush and move on; though some days he can't shake the paranoid feeling that somehow Evan knows. That maybe one of the girls let it slip, or that he gave himself away accidentally. Evan is smart and relentlessly sensitive, especially to Connor's feelings. It wouldn't be a stretch for him to have figured it out. 

It doesn't help that Jared loves to tease the two of them about secretly dating behind everyone's backs, even though that's definitely not what's happening. Sure, they hang out a lot and sure, they go out and do things. But that's what friends do, right? Connor may not have had many friends in his life, but he doesn't understand how going to the movies with Evan is any different than when Evan and Jared hang out and play video games. 

Which makes him even more paranoid that somehow Jared _does_ know. 

Connor's life these days is filled with a shit-ton of paranoia. 

"We should go to a pumpkin patch," Evan suggests one afternoon while he's watching Jared and Connor compete in some first-person shooter video game that Connor doesn't even know the name of. 

"What are we, five?" Jared whines as he presses a button furiously on the controller. 

"No, it's just something to do. You're never too old to carve pumpkins, plus there's other stuff to do there." 

"Gay and lame, Evan. Just like you and Connor. You two have fun." 

Evan huffs. "Would you want to go to the pumpkin patch with me this weekend, Connor?" 

"Sure, why not," Connor agrees distractedly. Honestly, it's not exactly his idea of fun either, but he could never say no to Evan when he sounds so hopeful like that. Plus, he and Evan usually wind up having a decent time no matter what they do. 

"Cool," Evan responds, sounding adorably excited though he's clearly trying to hide it. It does something weird to Connor's stomach, making it all fluttery like he's riding a rollercoaster. 

Okay, so maybe Connor isn't completely over his crush on Evan. But nobody needs to know that. 

And nobody ever will. Connor is going to make sure of it. 

\-- 

Connor is currently cursing every life decision he's ever made that got him to agree to come to this stupid pumpkin patch. 

Well, not every life decision. Evan is pretty much the only reason he's here, after all. But still. 

The place is crawling with loud, annoying children. The adults are no better, everyone pushing and shoving their way through the lines and crowds. 

At least Evan looks happy. And really, that makes the entire thing worth it. 

"We should do the corn maze before we get a pumpkin!" Evan suggests, eyes sparkling as he looks at the entrance. 

"I can think of about ten thousand other things I'd rather do right now," Connor accidentally says out loud. Oops. 

Evan seems unfazed. "Come on, it'll be fun," he says, pulling on Connor's arm. 

"I don't understand what could be fun about being trapped in a field of corn. At least we won't starve to death, I guess." 

Evan laughs and Connor practically comes undone at the sound. God, Evan could convince him to do just about anything while a smile and a laugh like that. It's sick. 

"It's mostly for kids. I'm sure it won't be that hard to find our way out." 

Evan is woefully wrong. 

They've been in the maze for about twenty minutes now and Connor is starting to feel his anxiety act up. He almost wants to warn Evan because they both know how he can get when he's anxious. Connor keeps quiet though, because Evan is showing signs that he's anxious too and Connor doesn't want to make it any worse. 

They're two anxious idiots in a corn maze and they're both utterly and completely useless. 

"I don't know," Evan sighs, looking down at his hands as he fidgets with them and tries to crack his knuckles. "I feel like we've been down this way before." 

"Yeah," Connor agrees, watching Evan carefully. "Maybe we should just follow some kid and see if they can lead us out." 

"If we can find a kid," Evan says, folding his arms. "I haven't seen anyone else in a while." 

Connor folds up his arms as well and squeezes his bicep. He feels frustration flare up and has to struggle not to take it out on Evan. It's not his fault they're lost, even though they wouldn't be in this maze if Evan hadn't suggested it. Connor counts to ten and breathes. 

"I'm sorry!" Evan bursts out and when Connor looks down at Evan there are tears in his eyes. Great. "You didn't even want to do this in the first place, I. I just thought it'd be fun but now we're lost and it's all my fault." 

"Hey," Connor tries. He never really knows what to do with Evan when he gets like this, but then again he doesn't even know what to do with himself when he gets like this either. He's at a loss but he can't just stand there and watch Evan have a breakdown, so he tries for something tangible. He reaches down and grabs Evan's hand, holding it gently. 

"We'll figure it out," Connor says, trying to keep his voice soft. "Let's just walk. Come on." 

Before Connor knows it, he's walking through the corn maze holding Evan's hand and he's feeling much better. Evan doesn't seem to be crying anymore, so Connor thinks he might be feeling better too. 

Eventually, they find their way out, and Connor feels the remaining dregs of his anxiety start to dissipate. He breathes a sigh of relief and squeezes Evan's hand before they both let go. 

"Sorry I freaked out back there," Evan says quietly a they make their way towards the pumpkins. "You didn't even want to do it in the first place. I should have just listened to you and I'm really sorry." 

Connor rolls his eyes affectionately. "It wasn't that bad until we got lost. It's fine." _Besides, I got to hold your hand for five whole minutes and that made the entire thing worth it_ , Connor pointedly doesn't say. 

Evan doesn't look fully convinced. Connor tries changing the subject. "So what kind of pumpkin are you gonna get?" _What the hell kind of question is that? All pumpkins are the same! What an idiot._

It seems to work though, because Evan's face lights up again. "Definitely not a huge one since I'll have to carry it back, but maybe just like, a medium sized one? I don't know. How about you?" 

Connor wants to say that he wasn't planning on getting a pumpkin, but Evan just looks so excited and Connor doesn't want to put a damper on it. "You can pick one out for me." 

"What's the fun in that?" Evan says playfully, shoulder bumping Connor as much as he can with their height difference. 

"I trust your skills. You're the botanist out of the two of us. Whatever one I pick will probably die tomorrow." 

Evan laughs out loud. "They don't die Connor, oh my god. Haven't you ever picked pumpkins before?" 

"We used to when we were little, my parents and Zoe and I. But… you know. Not anymore." 

Evan doesn't press Connor for any further information but he doesn't need to. They both know what Connor means. 

"Well, I'll refresh your memory. No worries, I got this." Evan says and Connor just smiles. 

Evan winds up picking Connor's pumpkin, as well as his own. He looks like he's having the time of his life. Connor loves seeing Evan like this, careless and free instead of trapped in his own mind like he so often seems to be. 

Evan hands Connor his pumpkin and beams, then picks up his own and looks down at it like it's something precious. It's so endearing to watch that Connor fears he might actually be falling a little bit in love with Evan in that moment. 

He squashes down the feeling and ignores it, though. He definitely can't allow something like that to happen. 

On the walk back to the car, Connor feels his mood drop. The plan was to take Evan home, but it's Saturday and Connor doesn't want to say goodbye yet. "So when did you wanna carve these?" Connor tries. 

"Oh, I don't know." Evan shrugs. "Whenever." 

"What are you doing tonight? 

Evan perks up at that. "Nothing." 

"We could carve them tonight, at my house if you want. I think Alana was supposed to come over and hang with Zoe but they won't bother us." Connor curses himself for letting that last part slip. Did he make it sound like he only wants to be alone with Evan? Probably. God damnit. 

"That sounds great!" Evan says, adjusting the pumpkin in his arms. "I'll teach you to carve them, though it's really not that hard. I'll just show you how I do it." 

Connor opens the car door for Evan and watches him as he gets in. "That sounds great." 

\-- 

As it turns out, Zoe and Alana do not leave Connor and Evan alone. 

Alana had come over to bake with Zoe for a fundraising sale at their school on Monday, so she goes between watching Connor and Evan carve their pumpkins and asking them to taste-test the various cookies and cupcakes they've been churning out. 

Connor likes Alana. Sure, she can be a little bit overbearing at times, but she's one of those people who go out of their way to be extra nice for no other reason than wanting to make friends. For example, Connor is pretty sure she doesn't need anyone to taste-test her cupcakes. She bakes all the time, so she's most likely sharing just to be friendly. Connor definitely isn't complaining. 

There's a lull when everything is in the oven that Zoe and Alana spend by sitting at the dining room table and pestering Evan and Connor. Alana takes it upon herself to correct their carving technique. Zoe, for her part, is uncharacteristically quiet. 

Connor tries not to pay too much attention to them. He focuses instead on Evan as he listens intently to Alana's speech about knife-safety. He has a bit of frosting on his cheek that Alana hasn't pointed out and he stares at it, wishing he could just reach over and wipe it off without coming across as creepy. 

"Connor?" 

Zoe's voice startles him. "What?" he asks, trying to inject as much venom into his voice as possible. 

She looks at him strangely for a moment before smiling. "Nothing, just. Are you gonna tell him or should I?" 

"Huh?" 

"Evan, you have a little bit of frosting on your cheek," Zoe informs him, and Connor tries hard not to blush. Shit, he'd been caught staring. 

"Oh, yeah, I was just about to tell you that," Connor recovers, handing Evan a napkin and praying Zoe assumed he was just staring at the frosting and nothing else. 

Evan blushes hard enough for the two of them and it's so pretty that Connor feels tempted to stare again, but he quickly looks away as Evan mutters an apology. Alana laughs and tells him he doesn't need to apologize and Connor wonders if that sentiment is ever going to sink into Evan's brain. Probably not. 

When they're finally done carving, the girls manage to convince Connor and Evan to let them bake the pumpkin seeds. It's another tradition the Murphy's had when he and Zoe were younger. Connor had almost forgotten how good freshly baked pumpkin seeds are, and he's excited for Evan who claims he's never tried them. 

While the pumpkin seeds are in the oven, Alana asks them if they want to watch a scary movie. Connor hates scary movies, but when he sees Evan nod tentatively beside him, he can't help but say yes. Any excuse to spend more time with Evan is a good one. 

They set up in the living room with individual bowls of pumpkin seeds and Alana turns out the lights before cuddling up next to Zoe on the couch. Connor's heart physically aches in jealousy. While he's on the opposite end of the couch, Evan is sitting on their armchair, about as far away from Connor has he can get. It's incredible unfair. 

The movie is mostly full of jump scares that ratchet up Connor anxiety. The girls keep screaming at every single one of them, and between that and a ton of flashing lights on the screen Connor starts to experience sensory overload. He excuses himself to the bathroom but goes to his room instead. 

He must be gone too long, because before Connor knows it there's a soft knocking at his door. When he tells the person to come in, his heart leaps in happiness to see that it's Evan. 

"Hey," he greets, standing there looking unfairly adorable and just a tiny bit awkward. "I noticed you were gone a while so I came to check on you, but I can go if you wanna be alone? Sorry, I wasn't thinking." 

Connor feels the corners of his mouth twitch up. "Nah, I'm just not a huge fan of scary movies. Needed a break." 

"Me either," Evan admits, coming over to sit next to Connor on his bed. "I hate them, actually." 

Connor is surprised. "Then why'd you agree to watch one?" 

A pause. "I don't know, why did you?" 

Connor tries not to choke on his own spit. He can't come up with a lie fast enough so he stands up and tries to put as much distance between himself and Evan as possible. "I don't know. Come on, I'll take you home." 

Connor drives Evan home and comes back to the house feeling sad and empty. He's planning on heading right to his room, but the girls are on the couch with the lights back on and they stop him on his way in. 

"Are you gonna take back what you said now, Connor?" Zoe asks. 

His confusion is enough to get him to engage the conversation. "What did I say?" 

"About never falling in love? Because you're in it deep, buddy." 

Annoyance flares in Connor's gut, but he doesn't have the energy to get mad or defensive at the moment. 

Besides, it's not like Zoe is _wrong_. But he's definitely never going to give her the satisfaction of knowing that. 

"I'm not in love, Zoe. Evan and I are just friends." 

"I can't believe this!" Alana exclaims, sounding completely affronted. "Zoe literally just told me that you two aren't together. This whole time I thought you were finally dating!" 

"They are dating. They go on dates all the time. They just don't call them that." 

"We're not dating! We hang out platonically. Can't two guys just go out and do stuff as friends?" 

"Uh, not with a smile like the one you get when you look at Evan. It's disgusting." 

"I'm going to bed." 

"I could talk to him for you, Connor! Evan and I are very good friends," Alana suggests. 

"No! Neither of you are going to say a word to him." Shit, his voice is raised but he can't help himself. "We talked about this. Just stay out of it." 

With that, he stomps up to his room and slams the door behind him. 

\-- 

Connor is starting to wonder if maybe he should distance himself from Evan. 

It's probably the healthiest thing he could do for himself. While their friendship is thriving, Connor wants more and his whole body physically aches at the fact that he can't have it. It's going to hurt like a bitch, but it needs to be done. 

But how can he do that when Evan is just walking around being so damn cute all the time? 

It's physically impossible; Evan is always _right there_ and Connor can't say no to him, which is how he ends up agreeing to come over Evan's house on Saturday for dinner. 

"So," Zoe says as she stands by Connor's locker at the end of the day. "I just asked Evan what he's doing this weekend and apparently you're going over his house for dinner? To meet his mom?" 

It's true; Even though he and Evan have been friends for months, Connor still hasn't met Evan's mom. Not that that's a big deal, but best friends should know each other's moms, right? 

"Yes. Problem?" Connor sneers, slamming his locker shut. 

Zoe doesn't even flinch. "You two are literally boyfriends. Will you just kiss him and get it over with already?" 

Connor all but growls. He spends enough time thinking about this by himself. He doesn't need his sister to bring it up, especially since it's really none of her business. 

"Can you just drop this already? Evan doesn't like me like that. We're _friends_ , and that's all we're ever going to be so get used to it, okay?" Connor almost wants to pat himself on the back for successfully keeping his voice down. 

"How do you know?" 

"Huh?" 

"How do you know he doesn't like you?" 

That gives Connor pause. Sure, it's not like he's ever _asked_ Evan before. But there's no way. There would have been some kind of sign, or at least probably some flirtation, right? Connor isn't even sure how good he is at recognizing flirtation but he figures he'd know it when he sees it. 

"I just know. I spend a lot of time with him, and he's not exactly a subtle person," Connor reminds her as he starts to walk away. 

"Exactly!" Zoe continues as she follows him down the hall. "And it's totally obvious he likes you back. Trust me, I know about these things." 

Connor thinks she's full of shit, that she's just being an annoying, nosey little sister, but he can't help but be curious about that statement. "What do you mean?" he asks, trying to sound casual and uninterested. 

"Oh come on. He looks at you the same way you look at him." 

"He does not! And I don't look at him in any special way, I just look at him." 

"A _lot_." 

"Shut up, Zoe." 

"Why are you in so much denial about this?" 

Connor whips around, about to give her a piece of his mind, but then stops dead in his tracks when he sees who just walked up right behind them. 

"Hey guys!" Evan greets cheerfully, his smile fading when he gets a look at Connor's probably furious expression. "Oh. I can come back later, sorry." 

"Don't bother," Connor sneers before pushing past him and walking away. 

"Connor!" he hears Zoe yell after him, but he's already halfway down the hall. 

\-- 

Connor doesn't understand why people always have to gang up on him. 

Sometimes it feels like everyone is against him - like it's Connor against the world. The fact that Zoe drove Evan home and is currently giving him the silent treatment is proof of this. 

Around five pm he gets a text from Evan that makes his heart clench with guilt. 

**Evan:** Did I do something wrong? 

**Connor:** no 

He wonders if he should follow the response up with anything, then makes a decision. 

**Connor:** i cant come over this weekend for dinner though. family stuff 

**Evan:** Oh, okay. No problem. I hope everything is alright. 

God, Evan is smart. Well, that and he knows Connor far too well. He knows not to press for more information. 

Connor doesn't respond. 

At school the next day, Connor avoids Evan like the plague. Everytime he sees him in the hallway or notices him walking up, he turns around sharply and speedwalks away. 

Evan never follows. 

The first time Zoe speaks to him since the incident is in a text, after three days of keeping this up. 

**Zoe:** You are literally such an idiot. You don't have to respond to this if you don't want to, but I'm just texting to let you know what an idiot you are. When I said you should tell Evan how you feel, I didn't mean avoid him to the point that he's frantically pulling me aside in school and begging me to talk to you for him. He thinks he did something wrong and he's really upset and worried about you. Is that how you want him to feel? Grow up, Connor. 

**Connor:** fuck you 

It's all he can think of to say, though logically somewhere deep in his brain he knows that Zoe is right. She didn't have to word her text like that, though. It's like Connor's brain is a magnet, and it's only sticking to the parts where Zoe called him an idiot and told him to grow up. The rest of the words fall away and he clings on to the anger he feels as a result, because it's a lot easier to feel angry at Zoe than guilty for what he's doing to Evan 

**Zoe:** Talk to Evan or I just might let it slip that you have feelings for him. 

**Connor:** you wouldn't dare  
**Connor:** and i don't have feelings for him jfc 

**Zoe:** lol  


This causes Connor to panic a bit. He doesn't put it past his sister to do something like that. Besides, if he was ever going to tell Evan about his crush, he wants Evan to hear it from him and certainly not from Zoe. 

There's also a fair chance that Evan won't even believe Zoe, so maybe Connor has nothing to worry about after all. 

He tries to convince himself that he's in the clear, and he's doing a fairly good job of it until he gets to his car that afternoon and sees Evan standing next to it with his arms folded. Shit. 

Connor wonders if there's any way he can ignore Evan and just get into his car, but then Evan turns and they make eye contact. Before he can react, Evan quickly darts in front of the driver's side of Connor's car, standing in front of his only means of escape. 

That's when Connor knows for sure that they're doing this. Whatever "this" is. 

"Why have you been avoiding me?" Evan barks, sounding angry. Connor is impressed. Evan usually isn't one for confrontation and he has to wonder if Zoe put him up to this or hyped him up for it somehow. 

"I haven't been. Now _move_." Connor gives Evan a warning glare, but Evan barely even blinks. 

"No. Not until you tell me what's going on. You haven't answered my- you haven't answered any of my texts for the past three days and every time you see me in the hall you turn around and walk away. What did I do?" 

Connor feels a sudden surge of rage boil in his gut. Evan won't move and he feels trapped, like both Zoe and Evan are ganging up on him and he has nowhere left to hide. Especially because he can't tell Evan the real reason he's been avoiding him. 

"Evan, if you don't move I swear to god." 

"You'll what?" 

Connor lunges, trying to scare Evan off or at least make him step out of the way. Evan doesn't even flinch though, and Connor is shocked. It's no secret that Connor has a reputation for violence at their school. He's punched a good number of students square in the face over his years spent here, but Evan seems completely unfazed. 

Maybe it's because they both know that Connor could never, would never hurt Evan no matter what. 

But that leaves Connor with very few options. He feels his anger abbate slightly to make room for anxiety, which is never a good mix. He glares harder and hopes yelling will do the trick. 

"Get the fuck out of the way, Evan!" 

It doesn't, though Evan seems to be losing a bit of his nerve by now. He hunches his shoulders and looks down for just a moment before making eye contact with Connor again. His eyes are dry, which is also sort of impressive to Connor. Usually Evan will cry at the drop of a hat, especially during a confrontation like this. 

"Just tell me what I did wrong so I can fix it? Whatever it was I'm sorry, but I just don't want you to be mad at me anymore." 

Connor's heart clenches, but that doesn't help his anger or anxiety. In fact, it just makes them worse, because he's starting to realize that there isn't any way out of this besides telling Evan the truth. 

Still, he tries. "I'll tell you later, now let me get in my fucking car." 

"Why can't you just tell me now?" Cue the tears, and now Connor feels even more guilty, as if that were even possible. "There's nobody else around. We can get in your car and just talk." 

"Evan, I swear to god." Connor's anger bubbles over, but instead of losing control of his fists like he used to, he loses control of his mouth. "I've been avoiding you because I like you, okay? I like you a lot and you deserve better than me and don't like me back so just fucking move!" 

Evan just stands there, mouth gaping wordlessly and staring up at Connor. "I- wait, Connor- I'm," he stammers, and finally Connor loses his patience. He grabs Evan's shoulders and moves him aside, jumping into his car and driving away as fast as humanly possible. 

\-- 

"I hope you're fucking happy," Connor tells Zoe as soon as she opens her bedroom door. 

"Did you tell him?!" Zoe's whole face lights up and she looks so fucking happy that Connor feels even more guilty. He doesn't know how much more guilt he can handle at this point. 

"Yeah," Connor groans. He wants to hold onto the anger, but it's fading and he's so exhausted by now that all he can manage is resignation. "Well, more like I yelled it at him and then drove away." 

Zoe sighs, then steps aside. "Come in." 

Connor's eyebrows raise. He can't remember the last time Zoe invited him into her room. 

He walks inside, standing awkwardly until she tells him to sit. He forgoes her desk chair and plops down onto the floor, hiding his face in his hands. 

"You fucked up big time." Zoe tells him. 

"Yeah, no shit." 

"But this is good! At least he knows you like him now. You don't have to worry about hiding it anymore. Wait. What exactly did you say?" 

Connor tries to remember, but the whole conversation was a blurry, anxious rage. He can barely recall anything except Evan's wounded face, and the way he stood his ground beforehand. That was new for Evan. New, and downright attractive if he's being honest with himself. 

Wow, Connor is so incredibly screwed. 

"Something along the lines of 'I really like you but I suck and you deserve better.'" 

Zoe picks at the cuff of one of her pant legs and furrows her eyebrows. "Do you really think that?" 

"Um, yes?" 

"Connor," Zoe looks up and her eyes are strangely sincere. "Evan adores you. I can see it, Alana can see it, even Jared Kleinman can see it. But either way, if you really think Evan deserves better, you should at least let him make that decision for himself. What did he say after you told him you liked him?" 

"He kinda just stuttered in that Evan way he does? But I got in my car before he could say anything." 

"Connor! You didn't even stay to see if he likes you back?" 

"No…" _I got scared_ , he pointedly does not say. 

"Connor, my god. You could be worried for nothing. You can't just scream at someone that you like them and expect them to be able to react to it right away. You need to talk to him!" Zoe sounds excited again and it's infectious. 

"I don't know…" Connor fiddles with one of his rings. "What if-" 

Zoe cuts him off. "Look. I can tell you're nervous. Anyone would be. But you can't just avoid him forever. You go to the same school as him. Just talk to him about it. Worst comes to worst, it destroys your friendship and you're back to where you are right now." 

"But where I am right now sucks. I just want to go back to how things were." 

"Pining after him? Doesn't that suck?" 

"Yeah, but it sucks a lot less than not talking to him at all." 

"Okay. But imagine what happens if he likes you back. That definitely wouldn't suck." 

Connor looks up and he can't help it, he starts laughing. "Maybe not right away, but we'll ease into that." 

Zoe laughs too, and for a moment, they're just a normal brother and sister. Teenagers laughing over a shared dirty joke. It's nice. 

"Talk to him, Connor." 

"Fine," Connor says, pulling out his phone. "I'll talk to him." 

\-- 

Connor winds up texting Evan and asking if he can come over. Just as Connor had feared, Evan doesn't reply right away. 

While Connor tries to fend off a panic attack in his room, he hears the doorbell ring. He buries his face in his pillow and lets Zoe or someone else answer it. 

He hears voices coming up the stairs. At first he thinks it's just Zoe and a friend she invited over, but then he hears an unmistakable voice that can only belong to one person. 

He shoots up in bed and then hears a knock on his door. 

Connor almost falls out of bed in his rush to answer it. He opens his door and is greeted by his sister, and none other than Evan himself. 

"Evan was taking a walk and just happened to be in the neighborhood when you texted him," Zoe supplies after a brief moment of awkward silence. "I'll leave you two to it." 

She sounds way too chipper and excited and Connor can only pray that Evan didn't pick up on it. 

Connor just glares at Zoe (he can't help it) and steps back to let a hunched and nervous-looking Evan in his room. 

Welp. This is it. 

Connor sits down on his bed and pats the spot next to him. Evan tentatively sits down next to Connor but stays quiet, playing with the edge of his shirt and avoiding looking Connor in the eyes. 

"Uh," Connor scratches the back of his neck and tries to remember the advice Zoe gave him. He decides a good place to start is an apology. "I'm sorry for earlier. I just. I felt kinda trapped, I guess? It stressed me out and I lashed out at you when you totally didn't deserve it, and I'm sorry." 

Evan is quiet for a beat too long before biting the metaphorical bullet. "Did you mean what you said?" 

Connor's nerves flare up and all that comes out of his mouth is "Uh, what?" 

"When you said you liked me," Evan clarifies, all in one breath. 

Connor is about to respond but Evan cuts him off. "Because I like you back! I mean, I like you like that. Too. And I don't think you're not good enough for me. I don't think that at all. I've liked you for so long and I was so upset when you stopped talking to me but Zoe kept telling me you were dealing with something and I was so worried, but if nothing else is going on I think we should try dating. Wait. Is anything else going on? Are you okay?" 

Connor's head is spinning from listening to Evan's speech, but the part that's standing out most to him is _I like you back_. 

Zoe was right. 

Everyone was right, really. 

Evan likes him. 

They like each other and Evan wants to try dating. It's more than his brain can process but it's the best type of overload he can think of. 

"I'm fine," Connor reassures, turning towards Evan. "So wait, you really like me back?" 

"Oh, uh. Yeah, I do." 

"I'd like that." 

"What?" 

"Dating, I mean. We should try that." 

"Oh, yeah. I'd like that too." 

Connor laughs and Evan giggles a little. Connor feels his nerves wash away, leaving giddy excitement in their wake. "I'm sorry I was avoiding you. I was dealing with my feelings for you, but nothing serious or anything else. Zoe has known I liked you for a while, so she was just covering for me. I really am sorry." 

Evan smiles and grabs Connor's hand, holding it gently. "I forgive you." 

Connor knows what he wants to do next. He's just not sure if Evan wants it, but when he looks down Evan is staring at his lips and that's the only answer he needs. 

He leans down and kisses Evan, who kisses him right back. 

The kiss is deep and long, a little sloppy and weird. But it's nice, it's really, really nice. It fills Connor up with a feeling he can't quite describe - one he's never felt before. But it's a good feeling, and something he can't imagine letting go of anytime soon. 

They pull away, looking at each other for a moment laughing shyly again. 

"So, we're dating?" Evan asks. 

"Yeah. Well, if you ask Zoe and Alana we already were. So I guess not much has changed." 

"Except now I get to kiss you." 

"Yeah, that," Connor agrees, butterflies filling his stomach at the way Evan is looking at him. 

They kiss again. Longer, this time, and Connor almost gets carried away when Evan starts to lean back, but soon enough they're pulling away again. 

"I could get used to this." 

"Me too." 


End file.
